My Life is FAR from Where I Expected it to Be

I did not title this lightly. It couldn’t be more true, but I am sure we all feel this way at some point. I do not know about you but there are times when I find it hard to find the purpose of it all. Or some days I struggle to find the good or progress. I always felt when I came of age and became an adult good things would just flow towards me. I mentally wanted to put in the work to earn them but I assumed they would just be sent to me. By good things I mean money, nice car, the perfect RICH man, an amazing house, and so on. My life could not be more far from that.

Let me start by saying I am truly blessed to be living the life that I am living. I deserve none of it. But on my selfish days, I end up thinking how did I end up here. It makes me laugh at times when I see where I am in life and where I thought I would be. Like you can’t make this stuff up! God seriously has a sense of humor when planning our lives. I am twenty-two a wife to an amazing husband and mother to the biggest blessing my life has ever seen. I know you may be thinking that is rude to say and my husband should be the biggest blessing but I would never be with my husband without my son. In fact, I was planning on breaking up with my husband before we found out about our sweet baby David. I knew I could have a good life with Daniel and I could see the visions God had for us but I had no belief in the healing and growth it would take to get there. You see I at my sinful core and Daniel’s sinful core we have things that clash with each other. We have been through it all you name it. God brought us together through a baby and we chose to commit forever. I got married at 8 months pregnant. That I assure you was not the “dream” plan. But I am starting to realize it was the divine plan.

I am the assistant manager at a Palm Beach Tan. I clean beds, manage people, clean floors, and sell for a living. To me though it has become more than that. I help people feel beautiful, I help people have good skin, and I can help change the mood of someone’s day. Every job we have is an act of service or it should be. We still live with my parents and we are coming upon 2 years of marriage. We are looking for a house and trying to get one but each time we get closer job, credit, or timing problems arise. I sense God still isn’t done working on us at this stage of life. I swore up and down I would NEVER be a working mom. I was raised by a stay at home mom who homeschooled us and invested her life into raising us. I never wanted to be a mom working out of the house but here I am.

At times I can feel so lost and so hopeless looking at where my life is. I wonder how I got here and what the purpose of all this is. You see in a world of self-image and vanity I can’t show you my life and not feel the judgement and disapproval. But my life is real and it is exactly where God has planted us. I often wonder will I ever get the things I feel God has promised me. I think and think on it. Today I realized yes I will, but first I need to take the action steps God has shown me are a part of my calling. I always want to start these action steps once I arrive. When we get our own house then I will build up a community of friends because let’s be honest who wants to visit Deborah at her parents’ house. Or when we are financially free and I can stay at home I will grow a business. But why should God keep his end of the deal if I am not following the callings he has given me. I do NOT know how they will help me arrive or what the point of it is. I wonder why do them if they are just wasting precious time. But today I realized I have calling and if I don’t step into that I am not truly living.

I encourage you; if you have a calling and or callings on your life you need to act on them. I am not just talking about calls to ministry or calls to start a business. Sometimes it is just little things. God has promised me many things but he has also called me to many things. I want to tell them to you not to brag or boast but to help keep myself accountable. God has called me this shy girl to create a community of people to do life with. God has called me to do this “fitness/health thing” I don’t always know what it should look like but every time I stop sharing my fitness journey I feel a piece of me is missing. God has called me to blog; I don’t know yet what he wants me to blog about but here I am trying it out. God has called me to one day homeschool my kids. God has given me the vision and reassurance that one day my love story with Daniel will come full circle and the things we have broken will be redeemed.  God has also called both Daniel and I to live on land one day and as impossible as that sounds right now with only $30 in the bank account I firmly believe it will. I cannot see the things God sees but I trust him to keep me safe and prepare the way for us. So this is for all of you who feel like you are far from your callings and dreams. Don’t sit back and wait stand up and take action towards your future. Trust God and do your part blindly.